I decided I don’t want addicts in my life anymore — at least not any living with us.  We went for a walk together on Saturday and I told him I’m done.  I watched helplessly as Graeme destroyed himself with drugs.  I’m not going to sit back and watch him destroy himself too.   It makes me sad and I don’t want to be sad anymore.  He was surprised.  He thought his addiction only affected him.  I could tell he felt bad that his drinking was hurting me.

I’ve also been in conflict with some political activists in the neighborhood.  The conflict has been boiling for almost two months.  It was resolved over the weekend but I still feel sad, hurt, and tired from that conflict.   I’ve been depressed.

Then this morning I talked to Jesse’s probation officer.   I had wrote a letter to her last week asking if it would be possible for Jesse to get out of jail so he could go back to high school this fall and she never returned my call.  I called her again this morning and talked to her.  She told me that Jesse’s mom told her that I do drugs, plus I deal drugs and steal.  I was dumfounded.  Jesse’s mom is a chronic drug addict that has made her living dealing drugs and stealing for years.  But she tells the probation officer that I do that instead of herself.   I’ve helped her and her miserable boyfriend three or four times, plus I’ve taken care of two of her kids and this is the thanks I get — my reputation ruined.

So over the weekend I decided I’m done helping others.  I am going to start living a small life and spending my time doing the things that I enjoy.  I resigned from the board of our neighborhood group.  We aren’t going to have anyone live with us anymore.  I’m going to start making mosaics again.  I’ve got one in mind.  I want to make a “when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, it’s amore” mosaic. I’m going to get my kiln going and start making tile.  And I’m going to start working on the house again.  I already feel like I can breath a little easier.

We made homemade pizza this weekend after a long break and it turned out so delicious.  Today I made some borscht and wow, did it turn out good.  It’s so simple — beets, water, onion, salt, pepper, lemon, sugar but so satisfying.  I follow the blog, the Vegan Mouse.  She takes photos of her cooking.  I thought that would be fun to do that too so I took a photo of my borscht and a couple pieces of Italian garlic bread on a tray lined with tile that I made.   I’m going to start collecting some fine serving dishes so when I take photos of my food creations I will be able to photograph them more beautifully.

Here’s my first food photo. The borscht recipe is from the book Olive Trees and Honey.

Well, today Ben and I went to my favorite grocery store, Delmonicos, to get ingredients for homemade pizza tonight.  On the trip home, I spotted a dead fox on the side of the entrance ramp to 35W.  I had Ben turn around at the next exit so I could get the fox for Carlyle.  The fox is my best discovery to date.  My deer skull is now in second place.  Ben wasn’t keen on the idea of putting a stinky fox carcass in his car but he was a good sport about it.

Carlyle blessed the fox with tobacco and then proceeded to skin it.  The hide is soaking in a big bucket of water for four days, and then he will tan it and use it for art projects.  This is the first time I’ve seen a fox skinned.  Rather than have the fox rot on the side of the road, it will be used and honored in art.

While they were working, their brother came by and wanted to earn some money to pay his library fine.  Then two of the boys’ dad came by and wanted to earn some money too.  He said, “no job”.  I said,” that’s a problem”.  He said, “no, money, no good.” “Oh for sure, no money, no good.

They are all from Nepal.  I wish I could remember the father’s name.  He is so tiny.  I don’t think he’s even five feet tall.  We made barbecued chicken, rice, fried onions, and hard-boiled eggs for dinner and we invited him to eat with us.  Who would have known this is a typical Nepali dinner.  After dinner he told me to make him some tea.  Then he sat on the couch with Kevin and they talked — kind of.  His mannerisms were so cute.  He acted like he was right at home sitting on the couch drinking tea.

We have our good friends Ben and Jana staying with us until September 1st.  Jana is an AMAZING pianist.  She is in her last year of her Master’s Degree at the University of Minnesota for Collaborative Piano.  Ben just started school to get his Paramedic license.  Then we have two fine boys that came to visit.  We rewarded them with a surprise bonfire in the backyard.  They made s’mores.  And of course, Andy dog — the best dog in the whole world.  Carlyle calls him Crybaby because he cries when we leave him home.  He’s very sensitive.  Quanah calls him Courage The Cowardly Dog.  Quanah just doesn’t understand love and loyalty.  And then we have Mr. Lieder.  What can I say?

Weather.com has a story about the top tornado states.   Guess — which are the top five tornado states?

Not a surprise.  But this year is different.  This is a map showing the tornadoes this year.  And guess what state leads the pack?  Minnesota with 103!!  You can read the article here:  http://www.weather.com

I bought a new camera after I accidentally smashed mine in a car door and bent it.  It still works sporadically but the electronics are going out.   Then one of the lads in the neighborhood borrowed it from me to take video of him and his friends Jerking (a type of dancing) and I haven’t seen him or my camera since.  I got a Canon PowerShot SD4000 IS and so far I love it.  The screen is big and bright.  The controls are easy and intutive.  And it takes great pictures.

Last year we joined the Minnesota State Parks Hiking Club.  For $15.00 I got a book of all the state parks and a nifty fanny pack.  Every 25 miles of hiking we earn a patch.   Fifty miles doesn’t sound like much, but we can only earn mileage at each state park once, and we can only earn the miles from the hiking club trail no matter how far we hike.   To rack up miles we have to visit different parks.  We’ve been to 26 state parks from the far southwest to the far northeast, and the far west.  Our favorite is — well, it’s a secret, but if you email me I might tell you.  At 75 miles we get a free night of camping and at 100 miles we get an engraved plaque.  The 75 mile patch is gray and dull but the 100 and the 125 patches are colorful.

I like our neighborhood.  It’s close to all the freeways.  And it’s close to the Greenway, the U of M, and downtown Minneapolis.  The two things I don’t like are  noise — school buses, and airplanes, and property crimes.  The police seem to focus on violent crimes.  I wish they would take property crimes more seriously and I wish there was some renumeration for victims of property crimes.   From my experience, the people commiting property crimes are the same ones commiting violent crimes.

Jesse is a good example.  Last Tuesday night he broke into three cars during his drunken escapades.  The owner of the third car saw him in the car and sent a posse of family members out to go after him.  A fight ensued and Jesse got the crap beaten out of him.  He ended up in the hospital for the night.  He wouldn’t have gotten beat up if he hadn’t broken into that car.

A few minutes before the third attempted car theft and the subsequent beating, I saw Jesse sitting in the second car.  He and an accomplice had busted the window in that car and Jesse was sitting in the passenger seat.  I told the police I saw Jesse in the car.  A few minutes before that, he and his accomplice had broken into the neighbor’s truck, torn the dashboard apart and were trying to hotwire it.  Unfortunately for them, the truck was broken and didn’t start.

Today I talked to the investigator of the second attempted car theft and the 3rd degree assault.  He was a jerk.  I wanted to tell him that there is a lot more to this case, and the suspects than what is on the reports.  I’m suspicious that Jesse and his accomplice and another guy have been pulling other crap in the area.  But the investigator had an attitude and treated me badly.  I hung up on him.  Meanwhile Jesse is on the lose.

Jesse’s accomplice got charged with criminal damage to property — a pretty nothing crime as far as Minneapolis goes.  Jesse didn’t get charged at all because he was the victim of a 3rd degree assault.  Jesse tried to assault the guys who assaulted him, but he was too drunk to fight well.   And the reason he got himself beat up in the first place was because he was trying to steal their car.

So we’ve got bullet holes in our house that we won’t fix because we don’t have the $1,000 insurance deductible.  The neighbor’s car insurance paid for her broken window.  The other neighbor fixed his car himself.  We taxpayers paid for Jesse’s medical treatment including the ambulance ride and a night in the emergency room.  And Jesse — he’ still free.

I got woke up again last night at 1:30 in the morning.  Jesse, Andre, and a girl were drunk and broke into the neighbors car.   I went into the alley and found the car with the back window broken and Jesse sitting in the passenger seat.  I asked him what he was doing and he said it was his friend’s car and they lost the keys.  I told him to get out of the car.  When he opened the door, the car alarm went off.  I told Jesse to come home.  He told me he was going to walk his friends home.  I wasn’t about to argue with a drunk so I let him go.

I went back to bed.  Within five minutes I heard the neighbor’s dog barking.  I asked Kevin to go out and see what was going on.  I thought the three of them were trying to get back into the car.  Kevin was tired so I went back out to the alley.  There I found Jesse unconscious laying in the alley with his pants around his ankles and his head bleeding.  The police had just arrived when I got there.  Apparently someone had called the cops to report a fight and said that a group of guys were assaulting someone with broken bottles.  Someone from an apartment came out and told the police his cousin Andre was involved in the fight.  Andre has a geographical restriction and can’t be in the neighborhood.  He is on probation and can’t be drunk or committing any crimes or he will be sent to prison for three years.

While we were standing there waiting for the ambulance, a woman came out and was yelling that they were the guys that broke into her car.  The police were ignoring her.  I asked her what kind of car she has and she said a black Chrysler.  She kept trying to get the police to take interest in her car but gave up and headed back to her house.  I followed her and told her I saw them break into her car.  She asked me if I would tell the police and I said yes.  That was a hard thing to do.  I figured both Andre and Jesse would be arrested for auto tampering.   I did it because she was an innocent victim and didn’t deserve to have her car window smashed.  Jesse went to the hospital in the ambulance.  Andre went to jail.

Andre is eighteen.  Last fall he was involved in the incident where a kid was killed on the Greenway.  Apparently Andre and that kid tried to rob someone.  The person fought back and killed the kid.  So that kid’s family is out to get Andre.  It sounds like gang stuff involved too.  When the fight started last night, Andre’s sister went attacked the guys that were after them to try and protect her brother.   The girl is fifteen.

Here’s where the story turns particularly tragic.  The girl disappeared while the police and the ambulance were there.  When they left she came to our house.  She had a blood all over the side of her face and was bleeding from her mouth and nose.  I tried to call the police but she ran because she told me she has warrants for her arrest.  I stroked her hair and told her she was bleeding.  She started to cry and told me her mom died on July 11th.  Her mom was 36.  Then she told me she knows me.  I thought I recognized her.  Four years ago I had taken her and Johnna over to Mosaic on a Stick.  I knew at the time something was wrong with her.  She had an overwhelming aura of sadness surrounding her.

I asked her why she drank.  She said because her life is f***ed up.  Her mom left her when she was younger and she had to live in abandoned buildings trying to take care of herself.  She is another kid that fell through the child protection cracks.  Now she lives with her grandmother.  I got a washcloth and cleaned the blood off her face and chest.  I could tell it was comforting her that I was caring for her.  She wanted to talk.  We sat out on the patio and talked until the police arrived.  I told the police that she was alright and I was going to give her a ride home.

I talked to Tony today and he told me she is a raging alcoholic and  a dirty whore that will have sex with anyone.   I told him it was to men’s shame that they would take advantage of a messed up little 15 year old girl and have sex with her.

I tried to have a conversation with Jesse today about the events of last night.  It didn’t go well.   He thinks I should understand that he is going to prison next month and he wants to have as much “fun” as he can before he goes.  I shouldn’t be upset that he broke into someone’s car.  He was drunk and doesn’t remember.  I shouldn’t be upset that twice in the last three weeks I’ve witnessed him beaten unconscious and laying in the alley.  He’s been assaulted many times and I didn’t know about it.  When I mentioned that he may as well go to jail if he’s going to continue getting drunk, getting in fights, and getting hurt, he interpreted me as saying I don’t want him to live at our house anymore.  Then he tells me that he knew I would eventually tell him to leave because it’s my house.  When I try to tell him that’s not what I said, he argues.  He is so defensive and so insecure and I understand why, but I wonder if he will ever be able to overcome the damage from his past.  Is he too damaged?  He thinks he is.   He said he’s a screw-up and he’s always been a screw-up.

So where does redemption fit into this picture?  Is redemption possible for Jesse?  For Andre?  For the girl?  I don’t know.  I’m not happy that I was woke up again last night from 1:30-3:00am .  Today I’ve been upset thinking about the whole situation.  And even more upsetting, I wonder if all our effort to help others and give them a second chance is in vain.  Does that 15-year-old girl have a possibility for a decent future or is her life going to be filled with alcohol, abusive sex, and unfulfilling relationships?  Will she ever be happy and loved?

I think about the Bible verse that says God is able to do far more than I could ever ask or imagine.  I don’t know how to reconcile that verse with the reality I see around me and I don’t know what to do about it.  Maybe I should forget all this and write about the delicious Sephardic Red Lentil soup I made.  We might be going to Brazil in February.  We might be going sailing on Lake Superior next week.  Maybe I should write about happy stuff and forget the rest.

The historic animosity between the Sioux and Chippewa is still around.  A few weeks ago, Nico was invited to have a few drinks with some other Natives who were drinking in the Greenway.  As they got drunker, the other Natives started asking Nico where he was from.  He didn’t want to answer because he knew it would be a problem.  Finally, he told them he was from South Dakota.  That was all it took.  When he said South Dakota, they new he was Lakota, and the Chips promptly beat the crap out of him, tearing open a deep long cut  beneath his nose from being hit with a ring.  He ended up in the hospital for the night.

The next day we were talking about the beating and I was asking about the mistaken belief that people have about the period of American history before the White man arrived as being  idyllic and peaceful.  He said yes, but a Lakota is a man of peace.  I said yes, except when they were scalping people.  He said drastic times called for drastic measures.

I have no sense of smell.  A few days ago I went upstairs looking for all our kitchen glasses which had disappeared from our cupboard.  I found them out on the deck.  I also found what looked to be a joint sitting on a chair.   I brought it downstairs and handed it to Nico and asked him to smell it and see if it was tobacco or weed.

He grabbed it and put it in his fist and told me it was tobacco.  I knew by his reaction it was weed.  I grabbed his thumb, which was still healing from a dozen stitches from another drunken assault, and twisted it.  He yelled but refused to give me the joint.  I told him I was going to bite him if he didn’t give it to me.  He still wouldn’t give it to me so I bit down on his knuckle.  He yelled some more and told me he was going to bite me.  So I bit down harder on his knuckle until he gave up and gave me the joint.  Then I flushed it down the toilet.  His poor thumb was worse for the wear.  I had split open part of his cut and he had teeth marks on his knuckle. Drastic times call for drastic measures.